Busy As Hell

kgagne:

Good morning.

sheppy:

Hi Ken.

kgagne:

How's it going, Shep?

sheppy:

Okay. Busy as hell.

kgagne:

Just how busy *is* hell, anyway?

sheppy:

Well, that's an interesting question. If you assume it's anything like "Inferno", it's pretty freakin' busy.

kgagne:

But once you tell a guy to do a task FOREVER, there's not exactly a lot of follow-up project management involved, is there? Deadlines, meetings, expense reports, etc. all kinda go out the window.

sheppy:

Sure there is. Those lazy slackers keep trying to talk to guys being guided through Hell by dead poets. So you gotta keep on 'em.

kgagne:

Well, we can phase out the dead poets with a combination of moving sidewalks and self-guided, pre-recorded audio tours.

sheppy:

Rental iPods.

kgagne:

Perhaps divide the workers from the tourists with a one-way mirrored tunnel, or a personal cloaking device or dimensional phase shifter.

sheppy:

Still, the wretched get distracted easily from their rivers of feces and whatnot.

kgagne:

Neural implants will keep their agony consistent regardless of distraction.

sheppy:

Sounds like a lot of expense. I think management would rather keep beating the clients.

kgagne:

It's a large investment up-front, but the ROI is improved productivity among both staff and clients, freeing up demonic resources for other projects. The war on heaven ain't gonna wage itself.

sheppy:

But at a loss of morale. I still suspect they prefer the personal touch. The staff has to have its recreation.

kgagne:

Isn't that what hell is all about -- loss of morale?

sheppy:

I think it's about loss of morale for the shades, not so much for the staff necessarily.

kgagne:

Then perhaps a nice foosball table will balance things out.

sheppy:

That could be. Or a sno-cone machine. Because there's not a sno-cone's chance in hell of getting a foosball table.

kgagne:

Conclusion: you're obviously not as busy as hell, if you can contemplate such matters.

sheppy:

Damn you.

kgagne:

In that case, I'll report back with my firsthand review ASAP.

last update: 26 December 1997